Archive for the ‘Self Nurturing’ Category

“If you ain’t makin mistakes, you ain’t trying!” – Wynton Marsalis

Mistakes can be daunting.  They are one of the ways that we have to face our humanness and our human-mess.

When your self-esteem is all wrapped up in not ever making mistakes or letting people find out you’ve messed up, it can be very fragile and unstable.  Living from this contracted, secretive place will suck the energy right out of you.  And then who’s going to have the energy to really take on the things that matter?

I love this quote by trumpeter Wynton Marsalis!  It goes right to the heart of things – are you willing to try?  Can you fall down and not lose your passion – your motivation – your determination?

Yesterday I cancelled a pretty expensive subscription to an email marketing site.  I had signed up in the heat of a conference, in the throes of ‘I can do anything and this will help me!’  Unfortunately, after a month of trying to get the functions going, I was depleted and frustrated.  I won’t say the product didn’t work, but I had made a mistake in getting it without enough careful consideration of my situation and how ready I was.

What I’m really proud of is this: instead of pulling out a baseball bat and crying over the money I’d spent, I decided to really stand tall in my entrepreneur shoes, cop to the fact that things weren’t working for me and let go.  No heavy punching about ‘why aren’t I big enough yet?’  And no ‘Wow, that was a really dumb decision!’

Entrepreneurs make lots of mistakes when they’re stretching to grow.  It’s just part of the path.  If you want to walk this path, it’s good to bring along a big dose of loving kindness for yourself.  Stuff like, “It’s cool that you were willing to try this bigger product, and someday soon, you will be ready.”  And “Good job noticing what was going on, what you were feeling and taking action to correct things quickly.”

When you’re the Boss of You, it helps a lot to be a really great one.  You do your own reviews.  You give yourself a wink and a smile when you see yourself being fluid and flexible.  It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but instead of shrinking at the idea of a mistake, you pay attention, learn something, and move forward towards the bigger goal.

What about you?  How are you handling mistakes?  What stories are you telling yourself?  Do you feel the loving kindness that gives permission to be human?  How we do anything is how we do everything. I’d love to hear what’s happening in your world – business or personal.  Are you trying?  What are you learning?  That’s what really interests me.


Cracking Open, Letting Go, Revealing your Wild Soul

Aspens in their glory before falling and Letting Go

What is it to crack open?  In this season of the leaves dancing their brilliance and then letting go of the safety and security of the tree, I can see what it is – we fall.  We sever our connection to all that has held us – whether for a few days, a moment or many, many years.  Sometimes we float but more often it feels like a tearing separation.  Isn’t that why we held on for so long?  The fear of that tearing, that severing – oh what the mind can make up about the pain of that!

Watching the aspens give their best and brightest colors to the final weeks of autumn, I sense that this show of color is meant to remind me of the Wild Soul in each one.  As the trees will be bare for many months to come, “See me”, they say, “see my true self in all its glory! I am about to die a small death.  This is my cracking open – knowing that when I do, the visibility of my rainbow self will radically change how it appears.”

I was taught that you had to wear the rainbow for people to see it – bring your color to each day.  But now I know that this teaching was faulty.  I’m still learning to release it completely and fully embrace what I now know: Your most beautiful self isn’t about the outside image or presentation – it’s about your most vulnerable, human self.  The intimacy I seek comes when the egg cracks and spills its guts everywhere.  No more hiding (oh, the reclaimed energy from that!) and only letting the so-called ‘good’ stuff show.  Letting go of our masks.

Fall – Tear – Sever – Let Go.  And what you find is faith… and trust.  You find what your deeper beliefs really are about.  You said you believed there would be a net and now you find out.  The risk to find something greater than safely and security actually leads right to the door of your faith.  What do you find there?

While I know one can do this alone, I also know you don’t have to.  I offer the support of a soul sister, the compassion and rigor of a wise teacher; a guide.  So if you are clear enough to know, that 2 minds and 2 hearts paired can make any journey, and particularly the difficult one of learning to let go and trust, more possible, more meaningful and more rich, reach out to me.  I’m here, waiting for your call.

And if a weekend devoted to connecting with your Wild Soul is calling you, visit  I’ve got 2 spots left – if you hear a call, now is the time to answer it!

In Wildness,

Coach Victoria

When was the last time you felt connected to your Wild Soul?

Whoosh Whoosh – outta bed at the crack of dawn, serving the demands of others the whole day through?   Have you even brushed your teeth?  I am noticing, on a very intimate cellular level, that the speed of Everything is increasing hourly.  Can this be possible?  I think so!

The danger here is that before we have that millisecond to catch our collective breath (remind me to come back to the breath in a moment), things will have teetered off the edge and ‘up the creek without a paddle’ will sound like a walk in the park compared to the new reality we’ll be living in.

My mission is to get you to STOP AND RETREAT.  Even just for a day.  If I can get you for a weekend, then there’s an even better chance that you might be guided to the place of softening… even melting is possible.  There in the fuzzy-focused place things will be seen differently. Visions you stopped dreaming long ago will reappear and begin to crystallize into a blossoming truth.  Your Truth. Your Authentic Knowing.  Your own sweet and inspired Clarity about what’s what.

Honestly I’m scared.  Scared that I won’t get you in time.  That the long ago dreams will have completely dematerialized and be forever gone.  I hope not but if it’s a race with that Ugly Ole Time-Obsessed , Life-Managing, I’ve-Never-Done-Enough-So-Don’t-Stop Gremlin, I’m gonna need more support than ever to get your attention.

How can I steer you this way?  What spark of aliveness can I wave in front of you?   How can I find the words that will be enough?  The truth is I don’t know.  And what works for one, will not work for the next one.   So all I can do is BE IT.  Allow my own Wild Soul not to hide.  Allow her to share with you the joy o f being in relationship with All That Is.  See those aspens over there?  Can you feel how those dazzling oranges are reflecting the light in my soul too?  Feel the beat of that song? The music is magic and my heart is helpless before it.  Looking into the vulnerable eyes of my friend and seeing her bravery in the face of more tragedy than I’ve ever known – I am humbled in our shared humanity and instant connectedness through love.  All these are the language of my Wild Soul.

Yes, I'm listening... Are you?

Making each moment mean something.  Living deeper and deeper, even though it requires bringing down the walls of judgment and comparing and hiding what isn’t perfect.

Are you game?  Are you seeking the place to pause and Breathe?  Knowing that in the suspended place between inhale and exhale lies the treasure you are.   Let’s go together.  I don’t know exactly what we’ll find but I’ve been traveling here a long while and can help when fear seeps in.  I’ve learned many tools to read the map of the heart.  And I am a spiritual warrior for calling forth courage and badger-like devotion to your Wild Soul.

If you’re ready, Come.  If you’re Willing, Join me.  If you know that you’ve already waited too long, Answer the call of your own Wild Soul.

Certified Coach/Retreat Leader Victoria FittsMilgrim choreographs Retreats and a 1:1 Coaching Practice in Durango, CO. Her last retreat for 2010 is Journey with Your Wild Soul November 19-21 in the Canyon of the Ancients in southwestern Colorado.  Space is limited and registration is open now.  Contact Victoria at .

Life as My Teacher about Change

Funny how life brings us lessons, isn’t it?  Ah, but can we really laugh and embrace them?

Since I named this summer’s Quest retreat: Embracing Change with an Open Heart, I should’ve realized that I would be called to do just that!

So Change happens.  In listening to ‘what wants to happen’ (something I’m working on in life), I realized I had to make some decisions about where and when for the retreat – it either had to shift if it was going to happen or it would be cancelled altogether.  Perhaps the economy is making it harder to take the leap to commit a week to your own growth; I can’t say that I really know.  But, yeah, I definately had that moment of ‘oh damn, now what?’ to be honest about it.  ‘Can I get a new location, and re-work it into a bit shorter program while holding the essentials?’

One of the things that helped me shift everything was shifting my perspective. Yes, I am very dedicated to everyone taking time to unhook – and the longer, in my view, the better.  I’ve had many of these experiences myself to learn from and that learning tells me that the longer I give myself, the deeper I can really go in building my relationship to my inner self.  But dancing with what is actually in front of me, I could see that right now, longer was not filling up – longer was not calling in the people I want to benefit from the powerful change tool I have to offer.

I realized that we’re all being called to adapt and shift on this planet each and every day.  Every day brings us new technology, new financial circumstances, new challenges that call for flexibility and willingness to learn.  So, it’s really no suprise – Change is comin’ and this is just the latest one to arrive at my door!  How will I respond?

As the Sufi poet Rumi says,

‘Being human is a guest house.
Every day a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!”

OK!!  With that in mind, and supported by my team of coaches and colleagues, I stepped in and shifted the Quest Retreat to be 2 days shorter and at a smaller, more intimate location, right outside Durango, Colorado.  And if someone wants to use any extra time, Durango is a mecca for those who love the outdoors with endless opportunities for hiking, biking, rafting and exploring the Native American ruins of the southwest (Mesa Verde is less than an hour away).

The new location for the Quest Retreat – Willowtail Springs B&B – with delightfully furnished cottages right on a private lake, with the La Plata Mountains in the background, is a sanctuary of peacefulness and beauty.  I was there leading a retreat in February, snowsnowing in the moonlight.  And I dreamt of coming back in the summer to feel the wind of the pines on my skin. And now I am!

So upward on this journey I go.  Learning to adapt to Change, with my heart open and my creativity fully alive.  I’m still just as committed to offering tools for you to live your True Life and I, too, am learning that I can let go and flow – when I take time to listen to what wants to happen and use my imagination to find perspectives that empower and awaken myself.

What about you?  Does your Soul need time to listen and bring forth new creativity in support of growing your capacity to manifest the things you dream of?  If so, maybe you’ll join me at the Quest Retreat!  I hope so.  It’s only 16 days away and it’s time to say YES to your True Life!


Love Letter to Colorado’s Mountain Park, the Sweet Spot for Retreat

I’m sitting on my bed in a room of sunflowers!  The walls are cornflower blue and there’s even a tiffany’s stain glass lamp of sunflowers mounted on the wall.  I’m enveloped in a comforting softness, surrounded by beauty.  And the really cool part is this just the inside space at Horseshoe Lodge – outside are 100’s of acres of Mother Earth’s beauty to explore and be nourished by as well.

This is the Mountain Park Environmental Center in Beulah, Colorado, the site for this summer’s Quest  for Your True Life: Embracing Change with an Open Heart retreat.  This place truly has been a labor of love by my friends Helene and Dave Van Manen.  Their belief in the possibilities of using outdoor education and the healing and restorative power of nature, have given us this unique site, a place to explore the land and ourselves in communion.

Tonight, walking with Helene and Dave to Lookout Point, I could feel their love of each of us for all the blooming plants we met along the well-kept trail – blue harebells, white yucca, brilliant orange butterflyweed and purple one-sided penstemon, to name just a few.  Actually I’ve never seen so many blooming yuccas at once, even in the desert – and here we’re at 7000’ above sea level.   My eyes drank in the flowers beauty, surrounded by the larger landscape of ponderosa pines, Douglas firs and Rocky Mountain juniper.

What really got me jazzed was noticing all the special spots that could be calling your name for a mini-Vision Quest this August.  At least a dozen called to me – come, sit here with me, notice the details here, for they carry messages to you about your own journey.   I’ve spent my life in conversation with the natural world – my friend, my Beloved, always receiving so much love, acceptance and inspiration.  I am committed to guiding others not to miss the sacred conversations that happen in these woods.

It’s a privilege to get to bring a special group of women, interested in knowing themselves deeply and bringing that knowledge to the world in the form of wonderful gifts, to this special place.  While Mystery holds what will unfold for each woman, I know that the impact of each one’s journey will be rippling from them into the world for years to come.   What a delicious adventure!

Tell me, what would inspire you to take the time to listen to your heart and the heart of the Earth, this August?


I Feel the Moon in my Body

Last night I felt the moon in my body. I stood in a meadow way up in the Rockies, with about 500 other spiritually-minded friends, listening to the teacher Michael Beckwith. My hands were on my heart, my face was pointed to the crystal blue sky as it was deepening into cobalt. And there was the crescent moon. As I raised my eyes upward, I felt that moon, that ever-present ‘She’ energy fall effortlessly into my body.

For days now since I saw some musician friends perform a week ago, I’ve been singing the song ‘There’s a Moon in my Body”. The song by Cyprian Consiglio, a Benedictine monk, was inspired by the Sufi poet Kabir’s poem. It speaks to what is already here, yet that which I am not aware of. It speaks to the oneness that is beyond our sight – but not beyond knowing.

How do we know these things that we can’t see? What senses must we find in ourselves to feel the love and mystery of the moon in our bodies?

For me, taking extended time in nature – falling in love with trees… admiring the shape of a rock and it’s steadiness as I sit on it… listening to the flowing poetry of the stream – Nature is always my best teacher!

So that’s why I have a big summer retreat for women! Inviting you to come sit with me and listen to the Beloved’s conversation, so we might both, once again, be open and innocent, together. This is my invitation to you now.

Victoria’s Retreat at Casa Colvale, Goa , India


The rustling of the palms…. The songs of the birds… the peace of the river – here, upriver at Casa Colvale I am alone and having a mini-retreat. 

Why do we take time alone to retreat?  I believe it’s to let the busyness of life settle so that we can hear an inner voice.  Sometimes it can take awhile to hear.  Especially when you’ve been extra busy or moving quickly from one thing to another all the time.  I think that voice lives between the ‘things’; that there is a quiet sanctuary that is only accessible if we slow down.

After 8 days moving around Goa, I’ve had the chance to shift into another mode.  It’s absolutely delightful.  I may never leave!

The last mini-retreat I had was in November and it led to creating a series of winter retreats for my clients.   It felt like I was able to feel into what was needed as we headed into the colder, more reflective months. 

Two of those retreats are finished – one more next month to welcome spring has 4 spots left ( .  Today in India there is a festival for inviting new things.  I don’t know the name of it but I’m told it’s about starting fresh.  So I will align with that in my world too.

The iJournal site is stepping into a new realm – membership (or as I prefer it ‘Tribe’) invites you to be a part of something bigger, that can offer insight, wisdom and learning. A place to explore who you are and where you’re going.   Check it out at .

The dates are now set for my week-long summer retreat – Quest for the Hidden Jewel Within, August 15-20 at the Horseshoe Lodge in Beulah, Colorado.  I see a special group of women coming to listen for their own Hidden Jewel, in the singing pine trees and mountain air.  As soon as I get back, the details will be posted and sent out.  Start imagining yourself there…

If I hear from past retreatants that you’re ready for a BIG WORLD ADVENTURE, from any retreat but especially the Questers who wanted ‘Quest II’, , I will tell you about coming to India, to the Casa Colvale, a special place to Quest some more… Believe me, anything is possible!

For now, let your vision go blurry.  Let your hard set focus soften for a moment…  look out the window or across the river or off towards whatever horizon is yours.  Ask yourself: What am I longing for?  And make the time to listen.  You will be surprised, and you will be tapping into a Source bigger than you can ever imagine, that is a part of you and everything that is.  Take note.  Pay attention.  Then write me, and share what you’ve received.  Support for your longings is just a quick note or call away.


A New View in Another World… and My World


This is a topsy turvy world… and oh so much slower than America.  I just have let go of moving at my old pace.  That’s probably one of the best things about being here, even though it can frustrating in the beginning.  Also I’m traveling with 5 other people – 2 adults and 3 kids – and anytime you move as a tribe, the whole thing gets slower.  Since that’s what is, I will let go and surrender to it.

We’ve seen some amazing places – the Hindu temples we visited were sacred places of connection to Spirit – whether you follow Ganesh, the Remover of Obstacles (wow – don’t we all need help with that!?) or whoever, they lead me to take a few slower breaths and consider all that I have and slip into much gratitude.  Even when just scootering along, there’s so much EXTREME simple living – we call it poverty – I can’t help but consider how I usually live and how much I have.
Last night we went to a local market/party in Baga, a nearby beach town.   We’d been to a market in the daytime before but the night brought out tons of people and it was fun to see everything lit up.  There was a band and a guy who combined mime and crumping (street dance) who was great!  Tons of things to buy.  I did get a friend a beautiful sari for a wedding present and one for me too, but my highlight was getting a henna tattoo.  I’ve seen them on a lot of ankles but considering I would be coming home and not exactly experiencing the summer temps that are here, I went for my hand.  The best part about it is that every couple minutes I see it and go: “Whoa, what’s that?!”  And it’s a beautiful reminder that life is not just what you already know.  There’s a whole bigger world to explore and learn from.   And it also reminds me of the southern India temple dancers – their beauty and self-expression through movement.  Since we’re all connected, I’m a part of that too.

What about you?  How do you step out of automatic living and refresh your view of life?  Would love to see your thoughts about that…

From the other side of the world,


Scootering in the Slow Lane in India

Well, here I am in Siolim, India, a small town on the southwest coast of the state of Goa. There are palm trees and lovely breezes and I am definitely not in Kansas, oops I mean Colorado, anymore!

I was called here by my friend Patti, already in India, accepting a request to accompany her 3 daughters from Durango to Goa. It was a way that I could support her healing journey, and it spoke directly to my heart. It also spoke to my love of adventure and exploration. 20 years ago I traveled quite a bit, as the owner of Breakaway Adventure Travel but my wanderlust hasn’t been given much free rein while I’ve been in parenting mode for the last 19 years. A little here and there but this big journey seemed to come at just the right time. After a killer cold and snowy winter in Colorado, I was more than ready to say YES!

I love that we are in a beach area where things are relaxed and people live close to the land. It’s a simpler and colorful life. Certainly it’s not without it’s difficulties but I’ve noticed in my travels that often the less people have, the more friendly and grateful they are.

We’ve visited 2 beaches so far – one, Vagator was a beautiful setting in a cove with rock formations. We climbed down about 50 steps to get there and settled into some beach chairs with palm-frond coverings. While I liked the setting, we were visited non-stop by women selling sarongs, jewelry and henna applications. We did make some purchases but it was interesting to notice how some, once we said, ‘ok, no more, thanks’, got a bit huffy and annoyed. Since I hadn’t slept for 24 hours I noticed I was getting frustrated and losing patience

After a fantastic 12 hour sleep (a new record I think!) we headed to today’s beach, Morjim, which was quieter and had a beautiful, long stretch to walk with endless waves breaking. It was absolutely more relaxing with only a few people coming by to ask if we wanted a cold drink from one of the restaurant shacks that lined the beach behind us. We boogey boarded and read and had a delicious lunch of tandori chicken and fresh fish. Simple fare, just what you need on a hot day in paradise.

I can feel myself slowing down. I will send some blogs but also take time away from ‘reporting’ to just Be. Traveling somewhere where no one knows you is a great way to explore the question “Who am I now?” You get to notice how you’re responding to new surroundings and what kind of thoughts are occupying your mind. Checking in with your Inner State helps to create full choice on who you get to Be in each moment.

Try it in your life, whether home or exploring parts unknown. Where are you reacting to life, not responding? What beliefs might be limiting the full expression of who you are? Send me a response and let me know what you discover.

Stayed tuned to for more ramblings from the road!


You Need a Busload of Faith to Get By

I heard this song title on the radio yesterday, and it hit home so powerfully.  As we live life, run a business, take care of our families and ultimately ourselves, life is notorious for not letting us stay in a peaceful and content state for long.  It is always bringing us opportunities to remember who we really are, to return to our center.  Whether it’s big stuff – losing a loved one, or your job/livelihood, or one of the smaller incidents that annoy and frustrate, we all know what it’s like to fall away from ‘home’.  There’s a hopeless feeling about it and it comes with thoughts that are filled with victim assumptions – I will never reach my goals, I will always be the one left out – you know what I mean, don’t you? And energetically there’s that deflation.  Like having a full balloon of possibility and excitement and then suddenly it’s like all the air has drained out and you are nothing.

So let’s get back to the bus and the faith that we need to get by!  What is Faith?  I see it not as a religious belief system in a all-powerful God who will save me from disaster, but a combination of courage, strength and the wisdom to know that I am connected and in relationship with a Source that wants me to succeed.  I am not alone, as Michael Franti might say.  When I make sure to give my relationship with this Source my attention regularly, I discover my Truth.  Nothing is ‘perfect’, there will always be challenges – and yet the presence of these things does not negate the bigger truth of being loved.  I hold that love inside me – it is me.  In that place there is abundance and gratitude and a whole lot of aliveness and joy.  If I can remember to Remember, then the companionship of my journey increases.  There’s a full busload, not just of Faith but we are all riding together in this Mystery Tour of Life.

How about you – what is faith to you?  What helps you get by?  I’d love to hear your experience in coming home to yourself.


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