Posts Tagged ‘coaching’
Mistakes can be daunting. They are one of the ways that we have to face our humanness and our human-mess.
When your self-esteem is all wrapped up in not ever making mistakes or letting people find out you’ve messed up, it can be very fragile and unstable. Living from this contracted, secretive place will suck the energy right out of you. And then who’s going to have the energy to really take on the things that matter?
I love this quote by trumpeter Wynton Marsalis! It goes right to the heart of things – are you willing to try? Can you fall down and not lose your passion – your motivation – your determination?
Yesterday I cancelled a pretty expensive subscription to an email marketing site. I had signed up in the heat of a conference, in the throes of ‘I can do anything and this will help me!’ Unfortunately, after a month of trying to get the functions going, I was depleted and frustrated. I won’t say the product didn’t work, but I had made a mistake in getting it without enough careful consideration of my situation and how ready I was.
What I’m really proud of is this: instead of pulling out a baseball bat and crying over the money I’d spent, I decided to really stand tall in my entrepreneur shoes, cop to the fact that things weren’t working for me and let go. No heavy punching about ‘why aren’t I big enough yet?’ And no ‘Wow, that was a really dumb decision!’
Entrepreneurs make lots of mistakes when they’re stretching to grow. It’s just part of the path. If you want to walk this path, it’s good to bring along a big dose of loving kindness for yourself. Stuff like, “It’s cool that you were willing to try this bigger product, and someday soon, you will be ready.” And “Good job noticing what was going on, what you were feeling and taking action to correct things quickly.”
When you’re the Boss of You, it helps a lot to be a really great one. You do your own reviews. You give yourself a wink and a smile when you see yourself being fluid and flexible. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but instead of shrinking at the idea of a mistake, you pay attention, learn something, and move forward towards the bigger goal.
What about you? How are you handling mistakes? What stories are you telling yourself? Do you feel the loving kindness that gives permission to be human? How we do anything is how we do everything. I’d love to hear what’s happening in your world – business or personal. Are you trying? What are you learning? That’s what really interests me.
What is it to crack open? In this season of the leaves dancing their brilliance and then letting go of the safety and security of the tree, I can see what it is – we fall. We sever our connection to all that has held us – whether for a few days, a moment or many, many years. Sometimes we float but more often it feels like a tearing separation. Isn’t that why we held on for so long? The fear of that tearing, that severing – oh what the mind can make up about the pain of that!
Watching the aspens give their best and brightest colors to the final weeks of autumn, I sense that this show of color is meant to remind me of the Wild Soul in each one. As the trees will be bare for many months to come, “See me”, they say, “see my true self in all its glory! I am about to die a small death. This is my cracking open – knowing that when I do, the visibility of my rainbow self will radically change how it appears.”
I was taught that you had to wear the rainbow for people to see it – bring your color to each day. But now I know that this teaching was faulty. I’m still learning to release it completely and fully embrace what I now know: Your most beautiful self isn’t about the outside image or presentation – it’s about your most vulnerable, human self. The intimacy I seek comes when the egg cracks and spills its guts everywhere. No more hiding (oh, the reclaimed energy from that!) and only letting the so-called ‘good’ stuff show. Letting go of our masks.
Fall – Tear – Sever – Let Go. And what you find is faith… and trust. You find what your deeper beliefs really are about. You said you believed there would be a net and now you find out. The risk to find something greater than safely and security actually leads right to the door of your faith. What do you find there?
While I know one can do this alone, I also know you don’t have to. I offer the support of a soul sister, the compassion and rigor of a wise teacher; a guide. So if you are clear enough to know, that 2 minds and 2 hearts paired can make any journey, and particularly the difficult one of learning to let go and trust, more possible, more meaningful and more rich, reach out to me. I’m here, waiting for your call.
And if a weekend devoted to connecting with your Wild Soul is calling you, visit www.truelifecoach.net/wildsoul10.htm. I’ve got 2 spots left – if you hear a call, now is the time to answer it!
Whoosh Whoosh – outta bed at the crack of dawn, serving the demands of others the whole day through? Have you even brushed your teeth? I am noticing, on a very intimate cellular level, that the speed of Everything is increasing hourly. Can this be possible? I think so!
The danger here is that before we have that millisecond to catch our collective breath (remind me to come back to the breath in a moment), things will have teetered off the edge and ‘up the creek without a paddle’ will sound like a walk in the park compared to the new reality we’ll be living in.
My mission is to get you to STOP AND RETREAT. Even just for a day. If I can get you for a weekend, then there’s an even better chance that you might be guided to the place of softening… even melting is possible. There in the fuzzy-focused place things will be seen differently. Visions you stopped dreaming long ago will reappear and begin to crystallize into a blossoming truth. Your Truth. Your Authentic Knowing. Your own sweet and inspired Clarity about what’s what.
Honestly I’m scared. Scared that I won’t get you in time. That the long ago dreams will have completely dematerialized and be forever gone. I hope not but if it’s a race with that Ugly Ole Time-Obsessed , Life-Managing, I’ve-Never-Done-Enough-So-Don’t-Stop Gremlin, I’m gonna need more support than ever to get your attention.
How can I steer you this way? What spark of aliveness can I wave in front of you? How can I find the words that will be enough? The truth is I don’t know. And what works for one, will not work for the next one. So all I can do is BE IT. Allow my own Wild Soul not to hide. Allow her to share with you the joy o f being in relationship with All That Is. See those aspens over there? Can you feel how those dazzling oranges are reflecting the light in my soul too? Feel the beat of that song? The music is magic and my heart is helpless before it. Looking into the vulnerable eyes of my friend and seeing her bravery in the face of more tragedy than I’ve ever known – I am humbled in our shared humanity and instant connectedness through love. All these are the language of my Wild Soul.
Making each moment mean something. Living deeper and deeper, even though it requires bringing down the walls of judgment and comparing and hiding what isn’t perfect.
Are you game? Are you seeking the place to pause and Breathe? Knowing that in the suspended place between inhale and exhale lies the treasure you are. Let’s go together. I don’t know exactly what we’ll find but I’ve been traveling here a long while and can help when fear seeps in. I’ve learned many tools to read the map of the heart. And I am a spiritual warrior for calling forth courage and badger-like devotion to your Wild Soul.
If you’re ready, Come. If you’re Willing, Join me. If you know that you’ve already waited too long, Answer the call of your own Wild Soul.
Certified Coach/Retreat Leader Victoria FittsMilgrim choreographs Retreats and a 1:1 Coaching Practice in Durango, CO. Her last retreat for 2010 is Journey with Your Wild Soul November 19-21 in the Canyon of the Ancients in southwestern Colorado. Space is limited and registration is open now. Contact Victoria at Victoria@truelifecoach.net .
Whew – August was quite a month! Actually it was quite a summer – Big Retreats and lots of Leading. I found a week ago when I got home that I really needed to kick back, put it all down and just veg for a bit. While it’s nice to be in demand, I so appreciate the balance of stillness and letting go of so many agendas.
Over the years I’ve been complimented on how I continue to find new and creative ways to reach out. Well, I’m here to say that that wouldn’t be possible without taking periods of time to just stare out the window or take a beauty walk or sometimes – a nap! Wearing the many hats of an entrepreneur calls for so much focus – at times it’s necessary to shut it all down and open other doors of perception. I find this a huge gift and generally it leads to rejuvenation and new creativity!
So what did I learn this summer that would be useful to you on your journey? Two lessons really emerged from this active summer: The first is around building a spiritual practice as the foundation for my life. Making a daily routine out of checking-in each morning and calling to the Divine have brought me joy, humility and more gratitude for all that I have. I found, simultaneously, that in really bringing my attention to this, a whole lot more attraction showed up as well around my business offerings.
I’ve heard people talk of a philosophy of life where you first need to HAVE (money), so that you can DO (what you love), so that you will BE (happy/authentic). The HAVE/DO/BE philosophy. I think they have it backwards! Especially noticing that the happy/authentic part comes after everything else! (Very delayed gratification!) I prefer to reverse it so it becomes: BE (who you are), honor your gifts by Doing what you love, to HAVE what you need. – BE/DO/HAVE. From this perspective, my coaching and retreats focus on Being your Authentic Self first. This requires devoting time to deep listening and entering a relationship with your Soulful self. When you have and nurture that special connection with You, an authentic presence shows up. It’s this magnetic force of embracing your True self that attracts people and opportunities to your door.
The second lesson was about the power of invisibility as a Leader. I can’t think of any real role models in my earlier life for this way of leading. I was always taught that to be a Leader you should be Big and Strong and Boldly out Front (driven by the popular culture and media). Those were the accepted kind of leaders I saw at school, in our community or out in the world. While I’ve had the chance this summer to be at the ‘front of the room’ or showing the way at times, what I’ve noticed is that there’s an invisibility factor also at work. By being fully myself, by setting that tone and holding a stake for there to be safe space and compassion for all, something else has emerged. The Invisible Leader. If I’d chosen the path of a consultant, providing others with all their solutions, I probably wouldn’t be too happy about this. But in coaching, where the belief is that the client has their own answers, this is a perfect style to bring. For me, it’s taken the practice of seeing what works and what doesn’t in real time, continuing to be a learner and the desire for participants to gain the most from their own inner wisdom that has helped me to provide the space for them to shine their brightest.
As I reflect on my clients, both in private coaching and on the retreats of this summer, I see a lot of growth, cracking open and willingness to step off cliffs and fly… to try new things, to deepen that inner relationship and to take their own stand for what truly matters. So while I may be a bit tired, my heart flutters with joy and fulfillment as I look closely at and celebrate all these wonderful, emergent leaders and the choices they’re making for their True Life!