Archive for the ‘Self Growth’ Category

I love this time of year – the dance that occurs between the cool rainy monsoons, the voice of the thunder and vibration of lightning and the endless green that covers the mountains just lights up my soul!  Everything is ripening – coming into it’s fullness.  Whether it’s tomatoes or peaches, we’re being gifted with the bounty all around us.  Do you see it?  Are you having an experience of it?  What does this season bring to your life? What wants to happen for you?

I feel like I’ve been on the move this past month, creating things that nourish me at the deepest level…. flower therapy in the mountains… learning to salsa dance with my husband… and sharing a wood-fired hot tub with my beautiful women friends at an awesome cabin in the high country.  At the same time, I’ve noticed that all these things have brought me a quality of awareness, of noticing that while some things are in full bloom, others are slowing and changing.  With my only daughter leaving soon for college, I have moments of clarity where I can feel the excitement for her just starting in life, while I know for me a huge chapter of my life – the intimacy of raising a child – is ending.  There’s all the poignancy and bittersweetness I can imagine holding.  Some days the tears just come and I sit in awe of how much I can love one person.

The bigger picture here is all about the Paradox that calls me to stretch myself into a being that can hold opposites at the same time.  This is a Quest, for sure, one I’ll be working with for years to come.  The clincher is that the outer world is not on this Quest with me – daily I’m bombarded (as we all are) with black/white scenarios that are lose/lose in my opinion.

In the article below, the conversation is about being a Visionary.  Well, I believe that the qualities of being one are also qualities that are just plain necessary to keep stretching myself and going forward on my Quest.  Here are some of them – in my own language of living your True Life

Living in the Mystery – Oh, we humans think we have control over things and that’s such misinformation!  Life is a Mystery and our job is to trust the unfolding.  I know this continually calls me to BE PATIENT and HAVE TRUST.  It’s one of the hardest lessons and yet, when I am there, peace is at hand.

Relax! In recent work I’ve done on some of my own ‘immunities to change’ I’ve gotten to see how ‘relaxing’ wasn’t something really modeled for me growing up.  While I’ve always loved to play and am better balanced, I still see areas that I can drive myself (crazy), working and pushing to ‘make’ this or that happen.  I know this tightens up my energy – contracts it actually.  So stepping away and finding a soul-centered activity can settle me down and return me to the abundance and flow.  When I take things on again, I am more grounded, calm and vibrating a whole different way!

Active Waiting – I included in this month’s newsletter the wisdom of Lao Tzu, writer of the I-Ching.  He’s describing a way of being that is so valuable, and definitely not given much credence by our society.  Instead of always feeling pressured to act – and often before one is clear – make time to get quiet and listen.  What wants to happen?  This stance of stillness allows things to unfold, but with mindfulness present.  Then when you say “Yes”, it’s a complete investment of you.

Co-Create What Matters – The Superwoman (or Man) archetype has run out of steam.  Doing everything perfect and by yourself won’t work – it really never was sustainable.  We are one community, one planet.  How can I engage more synergistically with other like-minded people (my tribe!)?  Where do I need to ask for help?  Bringing the diversity and creativity of many together helps create the contribution that has the most impact.  We are the ones we’ve been waiting for – let’s inspire one another!

Know Yourself – When you take the time to get to know yourself – the whole enchilada that’s you – you can keep a stronger focus on what your livelihood is; what you’re meant to bring to the world.  We each have a unique gift and finding its expression brings a lot of fulfillment and joy.  Healing and wholeness within myself ripples out and helps create the change in others too.  Give yourself full permission to develop a relationship with your inner Beloved.  Then you’ll be your own best friend and treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve.

Faith in Source -  When you know yourself, you come to know Source, as we are microcosms of that great macrocosm.   Not something reached through the usually dependable 5 senses, this place of Source is reached through direct knowing.  It’s very rarely explainable in any rational way.  Faith implies putting our trust in something we can’t see or touch, but have experienced.   It’s remembering the connection that links us all. It’s remembering we’re not alone.  It’s coming home again.

While I’ve discovered these gifts for living, I always need reminders to use them.  It’s easy to fall into a sleeping state as I move through life.  So many conflicting messages coming at me, it would be easy to just get lazy and be swayed by cultural/familial/relationship winds.  But, I am committed to growing and stretching into becoming a fully realized human being.  Will you join me?  Let’s share the richness of ripened fruit together!

Victoria

Funny how life brings us lessons, isn’t it?  Ah, but can we really laugh and embrace them?

Since I named this summer’s Quest retreat: Embracing Change with an Open Heart, I should’ve realized that I would be called to do just that!

So Change happens.  In listening to ‘what wants to happen’ (something I’m working on in life), I realized I had to make some decisions about where and when for the retreat – it either had to shift if it was going to happen or it would be cancelled altogether.  Perhaps the economy is making it harder to take the leap to commit a week to your own growth; I can’t say that I really know.  But, yeah, I definately had that moment of ‘oh damn, now what?’ to be honest about it.  ‘Can I get a new location, and re-work it into a bit shorter program while holding the essentials?’

One of the things that helped me shift everything was shifting my perspective. Yes, I am very dedicated to everyone taking time to unhook – and the longer, in my view, the better.  I’ve had many of these experiences myself to learn from and that learning tells me that the longer I give myself, the deeper I can really go in building my relationship to my inner self.  But dancing with what is actually in front of me, I could see that right now, longer was not filling up – longer was not calling in the people I want to benefit from the powerful change tool I have to offer.

I realized that we’re all being called to adapt and shift on this planet each and every day.  Every day brings us new technology, new financial circumstances, new challenges that call for flexibility and willingness to learn.  So, it’s really no suprise – Change is comin’ and this is just the latest one to arrive at my door!  How will I respond?

As the Sufi poet Rumi says,

‘Being human is a guest house.
Every day a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!”

OK!!  With that in mind, and supported by my team of coaches and colleagues, I stepped in and shifted the Quest Retreat to be 2 days shorter and at a smaller, more intimate location, right outside Durango, Colorado.  And if someone wants to use any extra time, Durango is a mecca for those who love the outdoors with endless opportunities for hiking, biking, rafting and exploring the Native American ruins of the southwest (Mesa Verde is less than an hour away).

The new location for the Quest Retreat – Willowtail Springs B&B – with delightfully furnished cottages right on a private lake, with the La Plata Mountains in the background, is a sanctuary of peacefulness and beauty.  I was there leading a retreat in February, snowsnowing in the moonlight.  And I dreamt of coming back in the summer to feel the wind of the pines on my skin. And now I am!

So upward on this journey I go.  Learning to adapt to Change, with my heart open and my creativity fully alive.  I’m still just as committed to offering tools for you to live your True Life and I, too, am learning that I can let go and flow – when I take time to listen to what wants to happen and use my imagination to find perspectives that empower and awaken myself.

What about you?  Does your Soul need time to listen and bring forth new creativity in support of growing your capacity to manifest the things you dream of?  If so, maybe you’ll join me at the Quest Retreat!  I hope so.  It’s only 16 days away and it’s time to say YES to your True Life!

Victoria

I’m sitting on my bed in a room of sunflowers!  The walls are cornflower blue and there’s even a tiffany’s stain glass lamp of sunflowers mounted on the wall.  I’m enveloped in a comforting softness, surrounded by beauty.  And the really cool part is this just the inside space at Horseshoe Lodge – outside are 100’s of acres of Mother Earth’s beauty to explore and be nourished by as well.

This is the Mountain Park Environmental Center in Beulah, Colorado, the site for this summer’s Quest  for Your True Life: Embracing Change with an Open Heart retreat.  This place truly has been a labor of love by my friends Helene and Dave Van Manen.  Their belief in the possibilities of using outdoor education and the healing and restorative power of nature, have given us this unique site, a place to explore the land and ourselves in communion.

Tonight, walking with Helene and Dave to Lookout Point, I could feel their love of each of us for all the blooming plants we met along the well-kept trail – blue harebells, white yucca, brilliant orange butterflyweed and purple one-sided penstemon, to name just a few.  Actually I’ve never seen so many blooming yuccas at once, even in the desert – and here we’re at 7000’ above sea level.   My eyes drank in the flowers beauty, surrounded by the larger landscape of ponderosa pines, Douglas firs and Rocky Mountain juniper.

What really got me jazzed was noticing all the special spots that could be calling your name for a mini-Vision Quest this August.  At least a dozen called to me – come, sit here with me, notice the details here, for they carry messages to you about your own journey.   I’ve spent my life in conversation with the natural world – my friend, my Beloved, always receiving so much love, acceptance and inspiration.  I am committed to guiding others not to miss the sacred conversations that happen in these woods.

It’s a privilege to get to bring a special group of women, interested in knowing themselves deeply and bringing that knowledge to the world in the form of wonderful gifts, to this special place.  While Mystery holds what will unfold for each woman, I know that the impact of each one’s journey will be rippling from them into the world for years to come.   What a delicious adventure!

Tell me, what would inspire you to take the time to listen to your heart and the heart of the Earth, this August?

Victoria

Some days the world comes at you at 90 miles an hour – ie, either endless small non-stop challenges, or big challenges that take your time and heart away from what you think you need to be doing. 

It can sure be overwhelming!  We all have connections to so many people and things – as part of the interconnected web we’re a part of – each one brings joy and fulfillment sometimes and new challenges for growth and learning at other times.

The past couple weeks I’ve had one of those big challenges facing me and it requires me to change.  To change how I’ve been in relationship with someone who I care deeply for.  Which in some way is like a break-up.  Since I’ve been married for 22 years, and this person is not my husband (whew), i
t’s been quite awhile since I’ve ‘done’ break-up.  I’m not used to the many feelings and emotions I’ve had arise.  This had required me to stretch myself for sure.

How do you handle all the feelings that loss brings up?  What keeps you centered as you go through letting go? (I’ll discuss the Letting Go part in another blog soon)
I have a big basket of tools (thankfully!) but that doesn’t mean I don’t get so caught up in feeling that I forget them.  Humanity is a never-ending experience!  This week, as I felt myself struggling, I recognized that it was time to connect with a tool, as the path I was on was turning into a huge downer.

What tool worked this time?  Well it’s usually a combination of a couple but the one I want to highlight here is:  Doing the Laundry!  Surprise!  Surprised?  Yup, it worked for a number of reasons.  Here are a few:

1. Creating order from chaos – when change shows up, it can turn our nicely organized world into chaos.  We all want some measure of control over life – sometimes though, it’s just not going to happen in the area of change.  So if I turn my attention to something else – something I can have an effect on in a positive way, it brings me more breathing space to settle down.
2. Feeling Productive – when I do the laundry, at the end I have an outcome that pleases me.  Nice warm piles of folded clothes.  This alone warms up my heart and begins to soften me towards the change I need to embrace with an Open Heart. 
3. Making a Difference – if I do the laundry for me and my husband, I know I’m making a difference.  It may not save the world but we each have fresh clothes to wear that are ready to go.  Making my life and someone I care about’s life a little easier also expands my heart.

Just living these 3 values I notice the positive effect on me.  I am not so triggered by the changes facing me and now, I can start to let go.  There’s more breathing room.  I can start to see more possibility in the change — what doors are opening that had been closed?  What new aliveness is possible in me?  A fresh perspective becomes available – expansion and magic are back at work.  I’m no longer in freak-out, emotionally triggered mode.  I can see and then take my next step.

Are you dealing with Change?  Has it got you off in Never-never Land?  Try this simple way to realign yourself with yourself.  Let me know how it goes!

To the living the Change Journey with Grace,

Victoria

Home again, home again.  Takes a few days to land after 15 hour flights.  It’s a bit like being ‘between worlds’, which you really are if you think about it.  Airplanes move us so quickly from place to place – my travels took my almost 10,000 miles from home – whew – no wonder it can take my body a few days to really catch up to where I am.

Just before going to India, I spent an amazing weekend at Willowtail Springs B&B, leading the ‘Tending the Seeds of Your Beauty Retreat.  I went from moonlight snowshoeing on a snow-covered lake to riding a freckled elephant in a matter of days.  From walking on snow deeper than I’ve seen in many winters to letting the waves of the Indian Ocean rock me and soothe my winter-chilled body.   And that’s how life is.  Can we be ready for the change?  Who do we need to be to flow with what we call in as well as what shows up? 

Flexibility, openness, curiosity and a willingness to taste the deliciousness of foreign places – these are values that I aspire to have.  I know that if I do, no matter where my heart pulls me or the winds of life blow me, I will find my way.  When I honor who I am, I trust that the experiences that come my way will be the ones most helpful for my deepest evolution – even when my ego-driven self can’t make heads or tails of it!

Here’s a quote from Joseph Campbell that I came across in my travels to India – let me know what you think of it:

“In this life of creative adventure, the criterion of achievement will be… the courage to let go of the past, with its truths, its goals, its dogmas of ‘meaning’ and its gifts: to die to the world and to rebirth from within.”

As spring comes to the western world, keep your heart open and light, holding what you have and think with gentleness.  Be ready to be born anew.

Victoria

Driving your life into a higher gear doesn’t happen by itself.  You’re at the wheel and to step up the power, you will need certain things.  Here’s my quick and dirty list to help you go from start-up to inspired success!

1. Creativity & Imagination – By now you’ve probably taken some time to Dream what you want this year to bring.  And if you haven’t, block some personal time now for it.  Nothing goes anywhere without your imagination engaged.  I dreamt up the Vision Board retreat in November and 2 weeks ago 11 amazing women came to engage with their dreams!  Create quiet time without distractions – you know what distracts you: phone, email, kids, partner, pet; so set these things aside in a clear way.  A journal or writing paper, colored markers or your favorite pen to capture the vision.  In stillness, ask yourself: what would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?  Listen for your true answer.
2. The Plan – Great ideas are only that if you don’t have a clearly marked Road Map to make them real.  Wishing is just wishing.  Outlining a step-by-step plan gives you the pathway to get where you’re headed. 
3. Support: Your Cheerleaders – We all need somebody we can lean on (as Mick said)!  What support do you need?  Answer this taking into consideration your Mind, Body and Spirit.  You are not alone – but you have to ask! Who will it be?
4. Flexibility and Stretch – You know the phrase ‘The best made plans…’?  Things don’t always go as we envision.  Sometimes there’s a better way, a different timing, a new discovery.  Be flexible and listen as you move forward.  When suprises show up, stretch yourself in new ways – you’re bigger than you think! Step into your unique experience and dance with it as a fully engaged partner.
5. Fuel for the Road – In my life I’ve used these 2 things over and over for success: Devotion and Consistency.  Engage your Passion and keep your lighthouse shining. If you don’t, your dreams won’t know where to find you!

Implementing the items on this list is a surefire way to cruise down the highway to your Dreams.  So what do you think?  What will be your first step?

Victoria

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

This is such a great reminder of how we can get into our safe, cozy lives and let our passion and creativity fizzle. I’ve seen it many times in my clients – they come in with that loss of aliveness. It comes from living the ‘expected’ life. The life society expects of us. Which doesn’t leave much room for our deepest hearts to sing, right?

Take a look today. Notice the habits and conditioned responses that are part of your life. It could be your routine going to work each day that’s become deadened. Or the choices you make at the grocery store. Or the people you’re spending time with that don’t even know who you are. Can you feel the tug of the bowlines wanting to set you free? What is one small way to do it? What can you say Yes to that will let your inner voice be heard, that will set you free?

Come on – I challenge you now, for the sake of that True Life that lives in you and longs for your attention – tell me 1 thing you will choose this week to set the bowlines free. If you do, you’re sure to feel some of that inner Sovereignty that comes from consciously choosing your life. I can almost feel the breezes now, and the glide of the boat, as you take the time to reflect and choose…. I

f you need a first mate, to support that choice, I’m ready to assist. Just give me a shout, and I’ll be there.

Victoria — victoria@truelifecoach.net

Victoria & Fred

‘Have you lost anyone?’
‘Who hasn’t?’

This is such a common exchange, one that I overheard recently between 2 women.  It didn’t take me but a couple seconds to deduce that they were talking about breast cancer.  October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month – it’s also the month of my sister’s birthday.  She would’ve been 52 this year.

Now that I’ve reached my 50’s I’ve known many women who have dealt with this terrifying experience.  Happily I can say that most are survivors – and truly they are inspirations as well.  They’ve made it through the chemo, the hair loss, the mastectomies – some even doubles.  I bow before their courage to get up each day, make more choices and go forward.

Today I’m writing about the woman I lost – my only sister Stacey.  She was in her very early 30’s when she was diagnosed with a lump.  I remember sitting with her the night before she was scheduled for a mastectomy.  She didn’t feel prepared at all – she felt rushed and ungrounded.  She called the doctor’s office and cancelled the surgery.  Nope, she said, she was going to try a different direction. She usually did.

Stacey made many decisions in her life that went against the grain of what others thought were right.  She had a child with a man who didn’t want to be a father.  She chose to make jewelry and art that were true to her passion, even though she barely got by.  She often prided herself on being different – the black sheep of our family.  Her relationships were volatile, especially with the immediate family.  It seemed that getting close to her was always a struggle; an uphill battle. 

But she taught me things as well.  While our relationship would always be up and down, we had our moments of connection as sisters.  There were the things about our childhood that we could laugh about – memories that only we shared.  I will never forget on my wedding weekend, she and I put together about 100 goodie baskets for the guests arriving on Nantucket and then spent an afternoon, driving around the island in her old beat up truck, delivering them and laughing at the lengths to which my mom would go – always dreaming up more stuff for us to do to please others.  I know, now, what a lovely gesture it was, but I will treasure the lightness and fun we shared that day.  It was a rare time of connection and closeness.

Stacey’s son Fred, my only nephew, will be 20 in a couple months.  He was the sweetest little boy you ever saw and only 8 when she passed away.  We all adored him (and still do).  She was as devoted a mother as you will ever meet and while her pain pushed her to leave this world, her love of him kept her here longer than would be expected.  As Fred’s mom, she found the one place where she felt unconditionally loved and could give that love back.  As we love him now, we get a small piece of her that lives through the amazingly grounded young man that he is.  God, she would be so proud of him!

And I can see today, how losing the only sister I had, even with the tumultuous relationship we had, has been a wound for me that’s led me to create experiences for women that emulate the love, support and vulnerability of sisterhood.  Our scars speak in our lives, if we look closely.  They can hold us back, unhealed and still creating pain in this moment, or they can infuse us with courage and creativity to find ways to turn the greatest pain into our deepest joy.  When I go on retreat with a group of women, and watch and experience the love and respect and joy and sisterhood that emerges, I am healed once again in the loss of my sister. 

She would be happy I think to know how this part of her, through our challenging relationship, lives on, a legacy she didn’t know she left behind. 

P.S.

My nephew, Fred Milgrim, is on the crew team at Brown University.  He and his teammates are racing in the ‘Head of the Charles’ this weekend.  To make their race tie in with a bigger race – the race for a cure – they are collecting donations individually and have a goal as a team of raising $20,000!  Go here and click on Fred’s name to make a donation: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/fmilgrim.  

Thanks for helping!!

I’ve been noticing the connections between Possibility and Letting Go, and how they are both in service of Living a Bigger Life.  All this began back when I sent out the email about 9/11 and how it was such a wake-up call for me to pay attention and make some choices that would lead to more personal and professional Aliveness. (Some of you are familiar with my image of the Alive-O-Meter… well it wasn’t exactly at its height back then.)  So down the Road I went.  And I’m still learning and seeking to discover all the ways that my Soul wants to express itself.  Only in order to really listen… to hear what’s coming through, I’ve learned that I have to Let Go.  I have to let go of my limiting beliefs or ways that I’m maintaining my safety with small thinking.  (If you’re a security junkie, you may want to stop reading now.)  I have to let go of how I only let myself dream ‘so big.

At aseminar I just in San Francisco, this got explored some more.  When I want to expand and create, many times I will assume that I have a variety of choices… A or B, C or D.  I look at those and think, “Which one should I choose?”  To some this many look like lots of options, beyond black and white thinking.  But here’s the thing – when I make up (since it’s all made up anyway) that my choices are A, B, C or D, what other possibilities have I just completely missed?  I’ve short-circuited the real road to authenticity, which is to just ask myself “What do I want?”  This is a whole different way to play!  Once I’m clear on what I want, I can ask for that – clearly and purposefully.  It’s about choosing what I want, not just what I decide is available.  But again, here’s where the letting go shows up some more.  Once I’ve clarified what I want and taken the time to ask for it, now it’s time to let go.  Because, as the poet Rumi said, “There are 100 ways to kneel and kiss the earth.”  There are many ways to achieve something and I may receive support that is very different from what I asked for.

It’s all good in theory but seeing this in action is so powerful and inspiring.  And that’s what happened when I picked up the book “Kabul Beauty School” on the way back from San Francisco.   This is the story of Debbie Rodriguez, a beautician from Holland, Michigan who went to Afghanistan in 2002, wanting to serve, wanting to help somehow.  Upon arriving with an international aid group, she first felt that only the doctors and nurses truly had something to offer the ravaged people, who’ve lived through some kind of war now for decades.  But little by little, noticing the gray-toned city with the women covered in dark burquas from head to foot, she realized that her mission was one of Beauty.  Since all the beauty salons had been shut down by the Taliban, there was this perfect contribution that she was totally qualified to make – starting a Beauty School!  While to some may this seem frivolous in a country where food on the table may be a bigger priority, her school and the opportunity it gives to the women of Kabul is huge.  The financial independence would be enough to make a difference, but creating a safe place for women to meet, share their stories and support one another to heal their broken hearts and spirits goes right into the Land of Inspiration for me!
 
So again, how does this come home to me?  Well that too, appeared on my trip to San Francisco.  I got to meet with a young cousin of mine and hear more about her business that supports financial independence for women of South Africa.  She sells products that they create there across the U.S., in specialty shops and on the internet (http://www.besweetproducts.com).  It’s another really inspiring story and I’m so proud of her.  As we sat at dinner talking about the different ways we each empower women, what emerged was how we could link together and have more of an impact.  The idea was born of how I could go with her and bring some of the empowerment tools I know to even further support these women, who are new to financial independence and the power that can bring to their lives and the lives of their loved ones.  Suddenly the space I could contribute in, never before imagined, expanded exponentially!  And let me tell you, it’s pretty exciting and pretty daunting as well.  I know there would be so much learning, not just for them, but for me as well.  Right now, nothing is decided but just a glance at this opportunity made me realize how much bigger I can dream!  Even though I sold my adventure travel business back in 1990, I’ve still dreamt of traveling the globe, only bringing my coaching tools with me this time.  So many of my values would be honored by this: adventure, making a difference, connection, diversity, possibility – just to name a few.
 
Moving into your world now, how does this story impact you?  Where are you limiting your dreaming?  What possibilities are out at the edge of your landscape…and beyond?  Let go of choosing from a small pond and take the leap to a bigger one.  I’m talking about allowing your passion to speak loudly so that you can follow the signposts.  Take the time to get quiet and open your heart to hear – what’s your next Possibility?